Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Hello everyone! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I'm actually very excited for 2015 for once. My annoyingly superstitious side is telling me not to lock on to that or anything but I've got plans i'm looking forward.

2015 will hopefully be the year of - finishing GCSE'S, having a wicked summer, going to a new sixth form to study drama btec, doing a pilates course and hopefully getting a job at lush because it is my SWEET SIXTEEEEEEEEEEN at the end of January.
I think resolutions and wonderful and marvellous and truly important - yes, they can produce guilt if broken but they give us a nudge in the right direction to get motivated for the new year. We can make resolutions whenever we want; at the beginning of a month, on a Monday, in the middle of the year - but I just think the best time to get going is now, with the support of everyone we love around us. Right, I'm babbling - here are my resolutions:
1. Work hard for my dreams and goals. Yes, I have to work hard for things I care less for when I do my GCSE's, but this year I want to truly focus on my ultimate goals - becoming an actress and a pilates instructor. I'm not saying by the end of this year I'll be a successful actress in a BBC period drama or a super fit and advanced instructor, but hopefully I'll be getting somewhere.

2. Always be kind. Sometimes when we find ourselves in dark places (metaphorically dark; I'm not just talking about sitting in your bedroom on a Winter's eve) it's easy to use all those crappy feelings to be mean or cruel to somebody. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

3. Be as confident as you want. Last year I made a resolution to not care what people thought of me, not saying I will become a huge rebel and wear radiator's on my elbows, but saying that if people didn't like or appreciate me because of my appearence or personality so be it. I'd like to think I've done that successfully but sometimes it can be hard to feel confident, ecpsecially when you're not doing something your peers are doing. 2015 will be the year of strutting my stuff in whatever I want and I hope you will too!

4. Embrace oddities. Rather than complaining about how my nose isn't elfin like, or my cheekbones aren't...cheeky enough, I'm really going to try and embrace the things that seperate us from others.

5. Try and drink a green smoothie for breakfast most days just because they're delicious and nutritious!

6. Take health and fitness seriously, but practise balance. Health isn't an 'all or nothing' kind of thing - it's all about balance. No "cheat meals" or "clean eating" just wholesome and healthy foods with the exception of foods which are nourishing to our soul.

7. Do more charity runs! Hopefully I'll be doing runs for cancer and muscular dystrophy as they mean so much to me and I want to do as much as I can to help.

Well then. I feel like a walking talking cheese board (a vegan one of course) but there we have it!
Please tell me yours in the comments as i would love to know.



Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Nut Roast Sandwich (Vegan and Healthy!)

Yo yo yo, merry late christmas again!

I made a lentil and cashew nut roast for christmas day, and because of all the roast tatties and brussel sprouts me, my mum and my brother didn't eat that much of it - despite how tasty it was if I may say so myself.

So here's how I make 'em;

two pieces of super seedy bread

lil bit of vegan marg

crumbled nut roast

pickled red cabbage

a leaf of your choice (spinach is preferred in my opinion but I went for lettuce to mix it up a little)

slice and munch!
Great mix of proteins, fats and carbs - enjoy your leftover sandwich!


Saturday, December 27, 2014

Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I know it's the 27th of December but we've got a whole 12 days of this merriment so fill yourself with joy and laughter and enjoy this time.

I have mock exams on the first day back of school sadly but that won't stop me and my festive cheer! So for today's post I thought I would just do a simple talk you through what's been happening kinda thing.

I think it was on Christmas Eve's Eve that dad and I took the puppies out for a walky-poos. The winter sunshine was beaming down and you could feel the recently more toasty weather (by "more toasty" i mean, it was 10 degrees instead of 5) getting visited by Jack Frost, and it was lovely.

 For two of my best friends, I drew them and a few of their favourite things *cue Sound of Music* and then scanned them all and sent them off to Vistaprint to be printed onto a canvas bag! I was really happy with how they turned out, and although I was slightly concered that they may be offended as I'm not great at drawing people, I think they really liked them (at least, I HOPE they really like them) so I thought I'd share incase one of your best friends has a birthday coming up and you're in a pickle of what to get them! Grab a snazzy pen, a bit of paper, and enjoy an artsy afternoon with a cup of tea.
 CHRISTMAS DAAAAAY!!!! YAYYY! I woke up around 8:30, hopped into the shower, went to mum and dad, opened my stocking, had breakie, opened tree prezzies... sorry, telling you guys my schedule probably isn't very interesting at all - but the cutest thing that happened that morning was my little Pod (his name is Merlin, but for some reason I called him Vanilla Pod... or Pod for short) opening his prezzies! He got right into it and we spent the WHOLE day wrapping his toys up again in tissue and letting him open them! SO CUTE. Wizzy (my other pup) was more casual about the whole scenario and just enjoyed her christmas much more elegantly :D

 2 o'clock. I had been snacking on pita chips and cashews all morning but I was soooo ready for my christmas lunch. Here we have lentil and cashew nut roast (got the recipe in my Vegan subscription box AND IT WAS SO GOOOD), steamed carrots and peas (went back for fourths...), brussel sprouts, roasted potatoes, a yorkshire pudding (okay maybe that one was already in my belly by then!), swede mash, roasted parsnips with butternut squash and chestnuts, red cabbage and onion gravy! I actually still have my food baby....

 And although I felt like that aunt out of Harry Potter when he blows her up, I had to make room for a bit of dessert so I had a lil' bit of the vegan and gluten free christmas cake I had made before but because it was extreeeeemely dry, I had (quite a lot) of soya icecream. MMMMMMM!

The rest of my day was spent playing board games, grazing on more nuts and some delicious norweigan cake my bestie had made, having a laugh with my family and friends and just having a ruddy good time!

I hope you enjoyed this post, please enjoy the rest of your holidays, and please tell me what you do on your christmas day or if you don't celebrate christmas, tell me what you've been up to recently! I would love to know :)


Saturday, December 20, 2014

My Eating Disorder Story.

Hello everyone! You'll have to excuse the dramatic title of this, because, well, this is dramatic I suppose but i'm really not very good at talking about these things. Also please excuse the terrible picture of me 2 years ago to the left, this was me in the worst time of the eating disorder.
I once made a video on my 'eating disorder' and put it on youtube, so if you're interested in that, it's on my channel but otherwise, feel free to read on about my story and how i got/am getting over it.

I'm not sure why it started, or how it started even, but gradually over time I was eating less and less, downloading countless calorie counting apps and worrying practically every minute of everyday about what I was putting into my body. "I'm just becoming healthy!" I explained to my mum, "I can't eat what I want forever!" I said. But this "health kick" i had started just whittled down to me eaten around 1,400 calories a day with no vitamins or minerals inside.

I know that doesn't sound too bad, and compared to some people, that's normal - but we shouldn't compare ourselves to others. Luckily, my mum and her friends and my friends and my grandparents had all noticed my weight loss, hair loss and horribly pale, lifeless looking skin, and they helped me, but I'm not gonna lie, it was ruddy hard.

The problem with this sick disorder was that it stuck around for a long time in my head, it still does! Everytime I pick up my second mince pie, or I take an extra rest day a mean little voice is niggling inside my brain telling me to stop. Images of horrible thinspo messages flash across my brain and I just have to stamp on them. Luckily now this obsessive habit has moved on and I focus on health and happiness now, making sure i 'exercise' these thoughts with doing "radical things" i wouldn't have done before such as making full fat cakes and having thirds and so on just occasionally.
Anywho, back then in 2012 or so, a 13 year old Esh decided she was sick of making herself look like a little boy compared to her friends who were getting all their womanly curves (I mean,  fate isn't really on my side in the boobs department - it's okay I don't mind, it means I can sleep on my front comfortably soooo... :'D ) and so made small steps to becoming healthy again. Well, to be honest the whole boobs and bum thing wasn't really the only reason I wanted to recover - my hair kept falling out, I felt really tired a lot and after a trip to the scales at Boots it got kind of scary.
A QUICK WARNING: if you are struggling with an eating disorder or are having mean body image-y thoughts about yourself, this is a trigger warning and this next bit contains numbers so if you are prone to being triggered by comparing please do NOT read.

I weighed around 6 and a half stone. Not good. I was about 5'6, and at my age and height I was being told that to be healthy and to...errr... get my lady visitor (if you know what I mean) I needed to be around 8ish-9ish stone; so I was off by quite a lot. My mum helped me a lot by taking me to weigh myself at the boots store once a week,and everytime that little receipt (oh my days that took me about 6 trials of writing that darn word!) popped out of the machine saying I'd gained a bit we had a little party (just kidding, it was more like a celebratory boogie). I became vegan at this point too which a lot of people thought was a terrible idea but I actually got up to my healthy weight on it. Eventually at some point in 2013 I stopped and went back to being vegetarian - it only lasted a little bit though until I went back to being vegan like I am now!

So that's basically it. Minus a few mean thoughts that say I need to be following a diet meal plan, I'm feeling pretty good. We choose our own happiness and today I choose joy.


BONUS SECTION, you lucky little things.
Now I don't really reccomend meal plans that are super strict and structured if you're at a healthy weight and are feeling good, trust me they just make you feel lost and a bit of a failcake if you can't follow them... not good! Buuuut, i did construct myself a rough plan when gaining weight just to keep me on track and I DON'T RECCOMEND COUNTING CALORIES but if you are determind enough to recover and trust yourself not to deprive your body, I counted my calories when gaining to make sure i was getting enough. If i hadn't hit my goal I would eat a few wholewheat digestive's and a calorie dense drink at night (I've forgotten what my goal was I think inbetween 2,100 -2,500 cals I thiiink. Now I eat roughly 1,800-2,300 depending on how active I've been.) .

Breakfast: big bowl of porridge made with full soya milk + nuts + higher cal fruit (e.g. bananas)
Snack: a granola bar + fruit OR couple of ricecakes + fruit
Lunch: a wholemeal sandwich + humous + salad + added fats or proteins like tofu or almonds or something OR soup + 2 pieces of wholewheat bread with humous
Snack : homemade vegan biscuit or cake or bread OR carrots and humous with some nuts or something
Dinner: whatever dad or mum made,  (all vegan) usually chilli with pitta bread, pasta with a vegetabley sauce, homemade pizza with salad, a roast, sausages mash and beans, that kinda thing!
Snack: a (soya) milky drink or yogurt with muesli.

Snacks varied and i would usually have a chai tea latte or a sweet milky drink every weekday as I go to school very near a starbucks!

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you thought it was somewhat helpful or insightful or something I just thought I would share incase you are feeling lost and need some help.

Also a quick note, I am not a dietician and whatever worked for me may not work for you and it is best to consult a local doctor <3

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

#FictionFoodBeanieStyle - $5 shake from Pulp Fiction (vegan+healthier)

Hello there! Welcome to my first addition of... uhhh... well i don't have a good name but I think i'm calling it Fiction Food Beanie Style? Yeah, I'll be taking foods from books and films and making them vegan and a wee bit healthier, so you can pretend you're Legolas or Harry Potter or, in this case, Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction!

I hope you enjoy and try this out, it's super tasty and a good way of getting 1 of your 5 a day in (also add some healthy powders or protein powders for a pre workout sip!) - please request more food ideas I could film and share with your friends! :)


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

tidbits #1

'ello there my lovelies!
How are you on this fine Spring's evening? (now re-read that in a Dickens-esque accent... ohhhhh my life is sad....)
So today I thought, as a hope of getting myself to take more pictures, i would share with you what I have been liking and so on this last week (and today)! I do hope you enjoy and if you like this, please share with friends and tell me what you've been up to/loving this last week?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

beginning ballet

Hola everybody! (meaning 1 person... who is my mum probably... *ahem*)
Today I thought we'd have a little chat about beginning ballet!

Ahhhh ballet... I love the stuff! I only started ballet 3 weeks ago and i am hooked. I'm hardly a ballet expert (I've skipped to grade 4 and don't know what a passe something or rather is!) but I'd love to just have a chat with anyone who's interested about it. Firstly, it's never too late. Maybe to become a professional it may be because it takes ages (apparently, like i said, i'm a newbie!) to get en pointe and build up the strength and endurance needed and a lot of ballerinas peak at youngish ages, but as a hobby ooooooh no.

I used to do ballet when I was TINY, and did it for quite a while until I grew bored of all the techniques I needed to use, and yes a small (well quite large) part of me completely regrets quitting it as I could be en pointe and ready to roll (or, do something more graceful and balletic) by the age of 15 but then again, knowing me, I probably would've got to the age of about 9 and thought "I don't need this anymore!" and hated it for the rest of my life. I'm just happy i've rekindled my love for it now.

There's this series called Dance Academy on Netflix (cue the sighs and "oh here she goes again"'s from my chums at school) and also it may seem... crap, for lack of a better word, at first dang flabbit it is addictive (did I really just say dang flabbit...) and I'm proud (with a smidgen of guilt) to announce that said Australian series about dance got me dancing again! I've always done dance. Ballet at a young age, jazz and street dance throughout my pre-teens, then more jazz and now ballet again! And I LOVE IT. It doesn't matter that my turnout is a tad weak and when I plie it looks like I'm squatting because it's addictive and now i'm older I have truly found that motivation within me!
I love doing pilates and thinking, "these core exercises will keep me up through arabesque's!" and I love practising arches and doing ankle stretches while I'm in an exam at school! Dance keeps me healthier, happier and, to be honest, more sane! Also, these base techniques I learn give me better posture and will give me skills I need when I go to drama school in the future (fingers crossed!).

I'm not going to be a professional ballerina nor do I want to be one, but I absolutely love holding onto that barre while I remember to fondue is to melt, melt, melt, that a frappe is not only a drink, and however old you are you can always start.

Monday, May 5, 2014

back to basics (+ a boden party)

Hello all!

So, i haven't blogged in a while... in a REALLY long time, actually.

Um, it's now 2014...

I have a youtube channel and have been a bit kind of instagram obsessed, so I felt like that was enough me on the internet; but recently I've been really missing blogging and have felt a bit uninspired with youtube - I'd rather watch videos about makeup and fashion and food than actually make them.
Now, I'm not giving up with my channel, but i'd rather focus on making better quality (she says, still not knowing how to use a good editing software ;) ) music-y videos or foodie videos rather than vlogs and stuff because school and other STUFF and with blogging it's a bit more "I can sit in my pajama's with no makeup on drinking tea (like i am this very second)" rather than having to prep everything.

ANYWAY, absolutely ages ago (this year felt like it wasn't whizzing by and i know it's only May but this party happened this year and it felt ages ago! Anyhow...) my mum hosted a Boden party and long story short, i took pics. Here they are.
(really quickly though, since then i have gained weight and got a pixie cut ;) )
officewear chic

laffs wiv my sister from another mister 
channeling the 1950's 
"the exits are here, here, here and here!"

shoe porn

horrible messy hair of mine but with pretty bunting :) 
trying on thousands of outfits is tiring.... sugary foods for fuel!

beautiful spring/summer colour blocking, boden style